Bird Droppings November 22, 2011
Trying to watch the smiling moon
“Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.” Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
Over the past few weeks I have been told about, read about and actually met with parents to be and new parents who are still in school. This is not still in college but in high school. As I walked outside this morning the moon was a brilliant smile hanging just over the trees peeking between the clouds. The air was warm enough that my favorite rock band of crickets and tree frogs were chirping away although slower than normal. I was thinking about these children having children.
“There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children. This time comes at the moment of conception. A child needs a role model, not a supermodel.” Astrid Alauda, on the “hot mom” trend
When I listen to children who are about to be parents I hear all the congratulations and praises being sung but I haven’t heard about the extra burdens and nights walking the floor and holding their baby while you comfort them and wondering if everything is ok and why are they not home yet as they get older. The questions where’s the progress report, do you need lunch money, what his name or her name all seemed obscured as fancy jeans give way to maternity pants.
“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.” Abigail Van Buren
I think when this was written it was about giving an allowance and having a part time job and doing chores and learning those little things about growing up. I do not think Abigail Van Buren was thinking ok have a baby so you can learn responsibility. You can quit a job, you can leave you dirty laundry on the bedroom floor an extra day or two and things will be fine but a baby needs food and clothing from minute one and for years to come.
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” Lane Olinghouse
When I first read this several weeks ago I was thinking humorously about it. Then this morning the reality of the statement hit when you become a parent there is no relaxing sitting down you are now on call 24/7. A parent is just like the emergency medical people and police and light house keepers and as a parent you are now all of these for your choices will be much akin to those that are made by such. Do I need to go to the emergency room, you have been bad and watch out you may have a wreck.
“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939
Jung too wrote so long ago yet it was not uncommon for 15-16 years old to be getting married and raising families in rural America back then. I went out to eat with my wife a few nights ago to Johnny’s New York Pizza for calzones and Stromboli. It was awesome by the way (an unpaid endorsement). My wife is in the medical field and she sees babies and young moms literally daily. I look at my own life still learning still growing emotionally and mentally and I wonder how can someone who is still a child sees the changes and issues in themselves when they have such a small tiny field of experience to pull from.
“Simply having children does not make mothers.” John A. Shedd
“Although there are many trial marriages… there is no such thing as a trial child.” Gail Sheehy
There is no money back guarantee, no refundable offer once that child is born. You have a child, a baby and each moment now takes on special meaning. I stop each morning on the way to school at a pharmacy open 24 hours and generally pick up an energy drink and digital photos from a CD that they process for me. Often I will get skittles or M&M’s for school. BF Skinner would be proud, it is amazing how well M&M’s work with high school students. Several of the girls working there have one or more children many are single moms and surviving.
“Children have more need of models than of critics.” Carolyn Coats, Things Your Dad Always Told You But You Didn’t Want to Hear
I was reading a eulogy written about a recently deceased coach and teacher it was written by a former student who is now in college. Trying is not good enough in raising and teaching children granted we cannot not try. But we need to be so wary of the fact we are being watched literally every second of the day as parents and as teachers. I went to AT&T the other to pay my cell phone bill and ran into a former student he had been out of school for three years and another student who was getting married I had five years ago. In the eulogy words such as father, so many students and children today do not have father figure at home, the word mentor was used as was guide, friend, advisor and coach. As I read this heartfelt tribute I could not but think of another issue. It was one of those children to be, who would be their mentors and fathers and guides and coaches and friends and moms? It is so easy to be critical and to write about all the mistakes and all of the troubles ahead. But for now we also need to be models, friends, teachers, coaches, fathers and mothers as well as guides and mentors so these children’s children will be able to succeed. Please keep all in harm’s way on your mind and in your heart.