Bird Droppings February 4, 2012

Why do we even have ears?

 

“No one every listened themselves out of a job.” Calvin Coolidge

 

Sitting in the dark at school with only my aquarium lights to light my writing area I am thinking back over many years of working with people in many different capacities. There have been times I should have listened and did not. There have been times with students had I given another minute or two instead of hurrying on to that next issue I might have learned more. Far too often we do not listen and we miss so much of life around us. I felt sorry for one of my students yesterday.

I witnessed a spectacular sunrise last Saturday morning and by chance as I do have a digital camera with me. I was looking at the pictures when this student made a comment. It was something like, you really must not have much of a life and be really bored to get up that early and take pictures. My first reaction was to be sarcastic and make a statement about where were you at 6:30 Saturday morning. But I held back sarcasm and tried to understand what she was saying. I asked her what you were doing. She responded I slept till 1:00 in the afternoon since there was nothing worth getting up for. I spent a good part of the day trying to rationalize how I was bored to be taking photos of a beautiful morning and she was not and slept through it. But as I think now sitting here thinking about listening perception does come into play.  

 

“Listen. Don’t explain or justify.” William G. Dyer

 

“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.” Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

Should I make an effort to alter her perception so she sees that getting up rather than sleeping through life or should I try and see that for this person sleeping was more significant than being awake. Could it be that life for her was in her dreams not in reality? Listening to the heart and not just the words can be critical. I tend to not sleep much rising early every day. I enjoy the mornings and quiet time for writing, reading, and thinking. As I sat and listened she liked to sleep, to forget, or to put aside reality which for her was difficult. Where I saw peace and calm in a morning sunrise and steam rising from a lake she wondered why I would waste time taking those pictures and I could not understand sleeping twenty hours straight.

 

“When I am getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.” Abraham Lincoln

 

“Listening well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.” John Marshall

 

Perhaps I should add that this student often is depressed and has had a very difficult childhood. As I think about how I see life and how my students see life I recall a conversation yesterday with another student. He made a statement when another boy said he wanted to go to college. Rather loudly he blurted out; I can get a football scholarship to go college. I was really dumbfounded never in a blue moon had he even indicated he was vaguely interested in college or even in high school. I said I really doubt you can get a scholarship. The fact that he cannot read is an issue.

Again another attempt, well I was a good blocker in middle school. I asked if he had played football in middle school and he said no he just knew he could block good. I said you have to go to class in college and study and read and he came back with oh I thought you just played football. There was a part of me that was elated. I had proved my point but then as I looked over he was a little down. His self-esteem was wounded; a dream had been pushed aside. Perhaps had I listened rather than hastened to prove him wrong what would it have hurt.

 

“To be listened to is, generally speaking, a nearly unique experience for most people. It is enormously stimulating. It is small wonder that people who have been demanding all their lives to be heard so often fall speechless when confronted with one who gravely agrees to lend an ear. Man clamors for the freedom to express himself and for knowing that he counts. But once offered these conditions, he becomes frightened.” Robert C. Murphy

 

“A new lens to look through. Hear the pain in people’s speaking. People who have an ear to hear can hear. You will no longer tolerate what you used to tolerate. A second point of reality. Declare a new future. There are no right answers. There is no is. Give people breakdowns. It’s the loving thing to do. What’s being revealed here? Dogs don’t have things wrong. Wrong dis-empowers people. Upsets indicate a “right” that’s been violated. Notice when you are angry that you are the only one around. The only constant thing is you. Business is made up. It’s invented. We invent our world through language. If it really turns you on, you may want to inform your face. There is no “right” way. A chair is only a chair because we say it’s a chair.” Mal Pancoast

 

Listen today as you go about try and allow for others views and feelings. So often others perceptions of the way life is wonderful and insightful. Offer to hear them out rather than argue your own view, there is plenty of time to be always right. I used to joke with my kids how I was never wrong, as in my playing of trivial pursuit or answering some obscure question about almost anything.

Yesterday two students were taking photos for a project and noticed how most class rooms are so sterile and mine was not. These two students asked how do those kids learn in there. They looked around my room cluttered and filled with stuff, photos and said there is so much here to learn about and good golly we did have a teachable moment. I picked an etched ostrich egg shell off my shelf and told a story of the Sans (Bushmen) of the Kalahari and how they stored water in empty egg shells. Can you tell me where the Kalahari Desert is? Please keep all in harm’s way on your mind and in your hearts and each day more young men and women worldwide are in some way in need of our thoughts so listen not only with your ears but also with your heart and truly hear what is being said. The other night while I was admiring the sky I heard the first spring peepers of the year maybe a good sign the cold and winter is almost gone.  Please remember to always give thanks.

namaste

bird