Bird Droppings April 9, 2012

Nothing you can do

 

“I am not concerned that I am not known, I seek to be worthy to be known.” Confucius, BC 551-479

 

Very early I woke up to a creak in the house, just a small sound, perhaps the anticipation of our dog waking up but something caught my attention. As I woke several days of observations struck me as well. It seems I do a lot of observation which is a critical part of working with the kids I work with. A colleague at work, a quick flash and explanation of happenings of the past few days, perhaps a great desire to talk with this colleague as soon as possible on the issues at hand. I focus so intently on students and issues with them I forget teachers are human beings as well and signs of clinical depression which I see so readily among students often get masked in the guise of “a teacher”.  

Throughout most of my existence I lead a very monastic life in many ways; I have my room and haven which seems to be that for many students as well. I do little if any socialization with colleagues often avoiding it yet many times suggesting it, an interesting paradox. One of the problems is I want to socialize to discuss to talk to open doors and windows not just blow off steam. I want growth and fertilizer not just having group interaction and fun. When I read this quote this morning it was interesting so often people strive to be known to be seen to be set apart from others. Watch the fashion statements in a high school.

Many keep everything secreted behind facades of societal domains and norms. On my high school class web site recently secrets from the past were coming out with a forty fifth reunion coming up, many simple little innocent events are being dug up by former class mates. Good stuff like who dated who first, little events from high school many never knew of yet each day we do this as we go through our daily processes. Every moment we establish new secrets.

I sit each morning and write detailing for myself and literally the world where and why and many times my wife tells me to be careful what I write about since she often reads BD. And I get a call or email “You said what”? But we each have our methods of conveying inner desires and needs and formulating those for society to see at some point. It has been many years since I had tried to be on any band wagon by wearing the right clothes or going to the right church or listening to even the right music. Yet each day I analyze others as they walk by not on fashion and cultural norms but on what is happening inside.

I use the term loosely as I talk about empathy. A few years back one night one of students called he was on a conference call with another student and joking and talking about how he could dip Copenhagen and I couldn’t do anything, how right he was at that moment. He laughed and the other student laughed but then he used a racial slur indigenous to his own ethnic group and said you know what I can say —— and repeated over and over that same slur. I said “you know what I can hang up”. Several times he had reminded me I could do nothing.

The next morning he showed up smiling and came in my room to sit down and I offered him the door. “But I always come in before school” I said “you used to come in my room before school”. I can do something now you can no more using my room as your rest spot, hangout and locker. As of now you can only come for class. My student looked at me and walked away, in shock. When his period came he sulked back in and sat down didn’t say a word, then he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. It never has happened again other than to call me and tell me he was now a father and he had a new job and had gotten married and not in that order.

It is so interesting how life goes. I have skirted around where I was going far too often we do what we need to get from point A to point B and then stop. We see others as we journey and they too are traveling along. Sometimes we wave and smile letting social niceties peak and other times we simply pass by. As I look back within my own workplace how many times have I let human suffering pass by without reaching out? I was trained for years as a life guard and to see signs of struggling before it occurred now as I walk through my building and see signs I think, an adult, not my business they are a teacher. “I am OK they are OK” and keep going.

Today I woke up and this vivid image of all I had seen with this one person over a few weeks kept coming back, symptoms, issues, comments and events, as I ran through my checklist mentally that I would with one of my students especially in a crisis situation I kept coming to thoughts I did not want. This was far more serious than I had been thinking. So where to go what to do, I could not get another moments sleep and I get up early as it is. Are we not our brother’s keeper that is written somewhere I think? Should we interfere with another person’s life?  

These are serious issues in a day and time when so often we lock ourselves away and lose the keys. As I thought we have crisis intervention for students but not faculty who deal with students daily. A good teacher is empathic; a good teacher is a sponge and soaking up emotions daily yet so often with no outlet no sounding board for that emotion.  Add to that stress from other issues at work and I am still trying to figure why Postal workers get stressed, it is just mail.

So I go to school tomorrow and hope for the best. I will try and seek this person out and see if and hope my fears are unfounded that maybe the days off have helped. Watching puzzles unfold the pieces seem to be falling in the wrong places. It has been a few weeks since I presented a paper on teacher student feedback and how empathy should be an integral part of education for teachers. It should be an integral part of everyone’s life experiences for that matter. So today consider being more observant and please keep all in harm’s way on your mind and in your hearts and always give thanks.

namaste

bird